A Rocky Start-The fall
I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I knew it wasn't going to be quick. After contacting my friend in the fall of 2017, she tells me about some of what is offered. For something like 45$ I get 3 months of workouts. "Okay" I think, "that's like 15$ a month. That's about what it costs for a gym membership, but I don't have to worry about finding someone to watch the kids if I'm working out at home." So I sign up for 3 months. I don't think I got my moneys worth that first round.
I was put into a group, that was already established, and had many people already very familiar with the program. In this group, everyone was to post one of their "clean meals" each day. I was introduced to "clean eating". As described to me, "basically natural ingredients. If there's stuff you can't pronounce, it's probably not clean. Look for things with 6 or fewer ingredients." So these people were already pros at doing this. They went about their day, posting whenever, they seemed to have all their sh*t together, so to speak. I was pretty committed. For about a week. I did my workouts, most of the time, for about a week. Then I started to slack.
I wasn't honest with myself or the group. It's easy to post one clean meal... that doesn't mean I wasn't stuffing my face with other junk the rest of the day.... which I didn't all the time, but often enough. Eventually, I just gave up.
Excuses were made. (I was going through a divorce, money was super tight because I'd started a new job, my kids/myself were sick).
That group ended. In no way did I feel accomplished, despite a 4 to 6lb weight loss at the beginning. I was convinced the program worked, but not that I could do it.
Then I opted to be a part of a different group. This group had a focus on people who needed to lose more weight. People who were still learning this new clean eating lifestyle. It had a journaling aspect. Again, I did really great for a while. I did the journaling. I worked the program. I even tried the shake. But I fizzled out. More excuses. Times got tough, the holidays were upon us. My divorce court date was looming in the near future. I. Quit. I gave up entirely.
It hit me that I had made small changes throughout those two groups that were affecting my daily life. I was doing things differently than before. Old habits, were changing. The evidence was in my shopping cart. The evidence was time spent cooking. I had also began to notice more specifically when my mood would shift, and how I was feeling before I started to make unhealthy eating choices. I started to realize my emotions. I've been pretty in touch with my emotions since my son was born in the spring of 2016. I was aware of feeling depressed. I was aware enough to know I was experiencing postpartum depression at that time, and I went to get help. But I will save that for another post... I'm still working on trying to figure out what triggers these down times, because that's still the toughest part of my journey.
Anyway...
Sometime around Christmas, my coach posted her updated before and after pics. She had started in February and lost 80lbs or so. She looked like a different person. She looked healthier, happier and way thinner.
I thought... "hey, that could be me next year. If I hadn't given up so easily.. If she can do it, surely I can do it. She's all fitness all the time now, it seems. I don't think I'll ever be like that. I can't do the workouts like she can..." very quickly my thoughts had gone from positive to negative.
But, looking again at her success. Looking at the difference, less than a year made... I realized, I can do this. I want to do this. I want these results.
She was offering a new challenge group where we would check out bits of a book that addressed negative self talk.. (which I should probably read someday..) I really wanted to commit to the program, but I couldn't afford the shakes until I got paid in the middle of January. I knew I was ready to make the big financial commitment, (which really isn't that big when I think about it now). My health was worth it.
We worked it out, and found a way I could get started. We talked about setting goals and she left me feeling encouraged and motivated. And "worst" of all, with a feeling that said to me, "you cannot let her down, you can't quit this time, you can't give up." So.. welcome to January. Welcome to a new year. A new start. 2018.
I wasn't honest with myself or the group. It's easy to post one clean meal... that doesn't mean I wasn't stuffing my face with other junk the rest of the day.... which I didn't all the time, but often enough. Eventually, I just gave up.
Excuses were made. (I was going through a divorce, money was super tight because I'd started a new job, my kids/myself were sick).
That group ended. In no way did I feel accomplished, despite a 4 to 6lb weight loss at the beginning. I was convinced the program worked, but not that I could do it.
Then I opted to be a part of a different group. This group had a focus on people who needed to lose more weight. People who were still learning this new clean eating lifestyle. It had a journaling aspect. Again, I did really great for a while. I did the journaling. I worked the program. I even tried the shake. But I fizzled out. More excuses. Times got tough, the holidays were upon us. My divorce court date was looming in the near future. I. Quit. I gave up entirely.
But ... I didn't.
It hit me that I had made small changes throughout those two groups that were affecting my daily life. I was doing things differently than before. Old habits, were changing. The evidence was in my shopping cart. The evidence was time spent cooking. I had also began to notice more specifically when my mood would shift, and how I was feeling before I started to make unhealthy eating choices. I started to realize my emotions. I've been pretty in touch with my emotions since my son was born in the spring of 2016. I was aware of feeling depressed. I was aware enough to know I was experiencing postpartum depression at that time, and I went to get help. But I will save that for another post... I'm still working on trying to figure out what triggers these down times, because that's still the toughest part of my journey.
Anyway...
Sometime around Christmas, my coach posted her updated before and after pics. She had started in February and lost 80lbs or so. She looked like a different person. She looked healthier, happier and way thinner.
I thought... "hey, that could be me next year. If I hadn't given up so easily.. If she can do it, surely I can do it. She's all fitness all the time now, it seems. I don't think I'll ever be like that. I can't do the workouts like she can..." very quickly my thoughts had gone from positive to negative.
But, looking again at her success. Looking at the difference, less than a year made... I realized, I can do this. I want to do this. I want these results.
She was offering a new challenge group where we would check out bits of a book that addressed negative self talk.. (which I should probably read someday..) I really wanted to commit to the program, but I couldn't afford the shakes until I got paid in the middle of January. I knew I was ready to make the big financial commitment, (which really isn't that big when I think about it now). My health was worth it.
We worked it out, and found a way I could get started. We talked about setting goals and she left me feeling encouraged and motivated. And "worst" of all, with a feeling that said to me, "you cannot let her down, you can't quit this time, you can't give up." So.. welcome to January. Welcome to a new year. A new start. 2018.
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